♟️ The Metagame #035: The Confidence-Competence Cycle

Today’s newsletter will be a bit of a continuation from last week's topic about embracing the beginner mindset and giving the middle finger to embarrassment.

Here’s what’s in store for today:

• Understanding confidence

• Mel Robbins’ Confidence-Competence Loop

• Faking it until you make it

Read time: 4 minutes

What is confidence?

Last week, I talked about pushing through the embarrassment of being a beginner. The Spotlight Effect, or the tendency to think people are paying attention to us more than they really are, often holds us back from doing the things we love.

And this week, we’re going to discuss confidence.

Because confidence isn’t about being the best.

It’s about being willing.

Willing to look dumb, willing to start small, willing to try.

When we first think of confidence, we think of it as a personality trait. Someone who isn’t afraid to get up on stage and deliver a speech to a massive audience. Someone who volunteers to go first when everyone else hesitates. Someone who stands up tall, smiles, and walks with, well, confidence.

While these are definitely signs of a confident person, confidence itself isn’t just a feeling.

It’s a decision. A mindset. A skill.

And most importantly, it’s a cycle.

The Confidence-Competence Loop

New York Times best-selling author and podcast host Mel Robbins coined the Confidence-Competence Loop, which is a cyclical mindset shift that will help you improve your willingness to take action.

It goes like this:

1. You do something, even if you’re not good at it.

2. By doing it, you get a little better. You gain competence.

3. That competence makes you a little more confident.

4. That confidence makes it easier to try again.

5. Rinse and repeat.

It sounds simple.

And it is.

But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Because that first step—the “do something” step—is where most people fail.

They wait for confidence to show up before they act. But that’s not how it works.

You don’t gain confidence before you start. You build it by starting.

Confidence in Action

Confidence doesn’t come from hype videos or motivational quotes.

It comes from:

• Signing up for the class even though you don’t know anyone

• Writing that social media post even if no one reads it

• Publishing the first YouTube video that only gets 12 views

• Launching the product while it’s still a little rough

• Going to the gym even when you feel like everyone else is judging you (spoiler alert, they’re not)

These are small acts with big ripple effects.

Because each step chips away at fear and builds up proof—proof that you’re capable, resilient, and learning.

That’s the real secret to confidence.

Fake It Until You Make It

You’ve heard the phrase: fake it until you make it.

It gets a bad rap sometimes. But when done right, it’s not about lying or pretending you’re something you’re not.

It’s about convincing yourself to do the things you know you’re capable of doing.

You might not feel capable yet. But you act as if you’re someone who can figure it out. You carry yourself like a person who’s learning, not failing. You embody the version of you that’s one step ahead.

Trust me, it works.

You’re not faking the competence.

You’re faking the confidence, just long enough for the loop to kick in and turn it real.

Playing the Game

If you want to master a new skill, build a new habit, or reinvent yourself in any area, remember this:

You don’t need to be the best. You don’t need to feel confident. You just need to take one small action.

That action builds competence.

That competence builds confidence.

And that confidence builds momentum.

So start small. Embrace the cringe. Step into the loop.

The rest will take care of itself.

Quote of the week

Thanks for reading!

If you have any questions, hit me up on LinkedIn or on 𝕏 at @sam_starkman, or feel free to reply to this email!

— Sam